Jimmy Talafreako!
Jimmy Talafreako!
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James "Jimmy" Talarico is a candidate in Texas for the US Senate. He's a mild mannered, seemingly harmless, total beta-male, socialist that quotes scripture in an extremely slanted way, sounds but doesn't act like a Christian, and has some very far left looney ideas. This song is an attempt to share some of Tofu Talarico's most "endearing qualities."
Jimmy Talafreako!
[Intro]
[steel guitar lick, crowd settling]
(spoken, drawling)
"He said it's time… to flip some tables.
Well, alright then, Jimmy.
Let's talk about that."
[Verse 1]
He's an eighth-generation Texan, or so the story goes,
Campaigning hard on TikTok in his Austin
hipster clothes,
He went on Colbert's show one night and raised a million bucks,
Then hopped on Joe Rogan's podcast just to try his luck.
He says he's not takin' orders from the D.C. crowd,
But his platform sounds like Portland — just a little extra loud,
He called his own damn party lost out in the wilderness,
Well Talifreako — buddy — that's a heck of a mess!
[Chorus]
TOFU TALARICO, flippin' every table,
Six Gender Jimmy preachin' like he walked out of a fable,
He says "We don't have money for our schools or veterans' care"
But he's got plenty for a Senate run — so somebody check right there!
TALIFREAKO, TALIFREAKO,
Six Gender Jimmy runnin' through the great state of Texas,
TOFU TALARICO, tell us what you'll do
After all those tables flip — what's left for me and you?
[Verse 2]
"God is non-binary" — well that went kinda viral,
His social media history sent his poll numbers spiral,
He said a fellow candidate was "mediocre" — and Black —
Then gave a real sincere apology and never looked back.
He's quoting Matthew, Mark and Luke on the campaign trail,
Says the Bible backs abortion — read the fine print without fail,
He preaches love and unity while callin' out the right,
Then Talifreako tweets at midnight pickin' every fight!
[Chorus]
TOFU TALARICO, flippin' every table,
Six Gender Jimmy preachin' like he walked out of a fable,
He says "We don't have money for our schools or veterans' care"
But there's always enough money — if you know where not to stare!
TALIFREAKO, TALIFREAKO,
Six Gender Jimmy runnin' through the great state of Texas,
TOFU TALARICO, tell us what you'll do
After all those tables flip — what's left for me and you?
[Bridge]
[crowd chant, call-and-response]
(call) Who hates the billionaires?
(response) JIMMY!
(call) Who hates the GOP?
(response) JIMMY!
(call) Who loves his tofu?
(response) JIMMY!
(call) Who can't win Texas?
(response) ...Jimmy.
[spoken word, preacher cadence]
"We're ALWAYS told there isn't enough money for schools!
Or for health care!
Or for our veterans!
But there's always enough for a Colbert appearance
and a TikTok about flipping tables.
Brothers and sisters — FIRST we grieve.
THEN we flip tables.
LASTLY… we rebuild our communities.
And by 'we' I mean me.
Talifreako for Texas."
[Final Chorus]
[big, anthemic, crowd joining in]
TOFU TALARICO, flippin' every table,
Six Gender Jimmy — eighth-generation fable,
Texas hasn't flipped in thirty years, it ain't about to start,
But bless his heart, ol' Talifreako gave it all his heart!
TALIFREAKO, TALIFREAKO,
Six Gender Jimmy runnin' through the great state of Texas,
TOFU TALARICO, we know what you'll do —
Flip that table, lose that Senate race, and post about it too!
[Outro]
[steel guitar fade, slow and mournful]
(whispered) Flip… that table…
(crowd murmur fading)
Tofu… Talarico…
God bless Texas.
[end]
This is original work is produced by AK Darvinson with a combination of observation, critical thinking, insight, heart, compassion, passion, creativity, and technology. All rights are reserved. Free sharing is encouraged. Commercial use via license only.
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