It has taken me close to a year to attempt to write something. I figured time would make it easier - I figured wrong. As the first anniversary of Dad's passing approached I wasn't sure I wanted to acknowledge it. It is a painful memory that I didn't want to remember. As I thought a bit longer, maybe it should be a day to remember, as it was the day my dad's suffering subsided and he entered God's presence. A day to rejoice!? I find it hard to feel good on this day though.

Not a day has gone by that I have not missed him, thought of him. Today is a somewhat painful reminder of how long it has been since I have talked with him and visited him. My hope is someday to be together again.

Last night my brother discussed a book that he had purchased for a friend that just had a baby girl. The book was about father/daughter relationships. I have been so blessed to have such a great dad. My dad was one of the most tolerant men I have known. He needed to be with a daughter who loved horses - of course dad was my first! - those numerous piggy back rides. He tolerated the doldrums of horseshows as well. He was a client at my beauty shop on several occasions - dad looked great sportin' pigtails. I wished I had gotten some pictures of some of those do's.

My dad's summer job used to be painting the exterior of houses. I don't think he was the best at remembering the sun screen. An annual summer event was to see how big a piece of skin I could peel from his back - pretty gross right?! As a kid, I saw it as a challenge and dad was never one to pass up a back rub or anything that resembled it.

One thing which we liked to do, when he would come in to tuck me in or say good night, was to draw pictures (with a finger) on each others back and see if we could guess what the picture was.

I have been so blessed to have such great parents, best friends, role models and heroes!!

My dad will be with me each and every day as I carry him in my heart. His memory never far. Until we meet again, I love you now and forever.

The First Anniversary of Goodbye

[Verse 1]

It’s been a year since the world stood still,

Time promised healing, but it never will.

The silence hits harder every day,

And I still reach for you anyway.

I told myself I wouldn’t cry,

But this day came, and I can’t lie —

It’s the first anniversary of goodbye.

[Pre-Chorus]

Maybe heaven called you home,

But I’m still learning to be alone.

[Chorus]

Yeah, I miss you every breath I take,

Every sunrise feels half-awake.

You’re the voice in my laughter, the tear in my eye,

The fire that keeps me reaching for the sky.

I carry your love, I don’t even try —

On the first anniversary of goodbye.

[Verse 2]

You were patient when I rode my dreams,

Horses and ribbons and childish schemes.

You gave piggyback rides ‘til the stars came down,

Wore my pigtails like a silver crown.

You sat through horse shows, painted the walls,

Peeling sunburn skin and laughing through it all.

You were my first hero, my very first call.

[Pre-Chorus]

Now I draw your name in the air,

Just to feel like you’re still there.

[Chorus]

Yeah, I miss you every breath I take,

Every sunrise feels half-awake.

You’re the voice in my laughter, the tear in my eye,

The fire that keeps me reaching for the sky.

I carry your love, I don’t even try —

On the first anniversary of goodbye.

[Bridge – Soft → Powerful build]

I trace your picture on my skin,

Like those nights you’d tuck me in.

Every heartbeat whispers low,

“Until we meet again, I know.”

You’re painted on the soul of me,

In every song, in every memory.

[Final Chorus – Full band drive]

Yeah, I miss you every breath I take,

But your love’s the reason my heart won’t break.

You’re the echo in my courage, the spark in my eye,

The steady voice that tells me why.

You’re with me still — and that’s no lie,

On the first anniversary…

of goodbye.

[Outro – Fading guitars / soft vocal]

Until we meet again…

On the other side…

You’re my forever,

My first goodbye.