oh girl, you shouldn't have

Three Hundred Bucks 

(Kathy’s Love Song to Me) 

(Upstate Country-Punk, 150 BPM, key of E)

[instrumental intro]

[Verse 1] 

I was sortin’ through the bills and the junk-mail trash 

When the mailman dropped a bombshell in my lap 

Big blue envelope, gold state seal on the front 

“Inflation Refund” – girl, you shouldn’t have 

Three hundred dollars, crisp and brand-new 

Like a participation trophy from someone who 

Already took forty-eight grand this year from me 

But wants a thank-you kiss on election eve 

[Chorus] 

Oh Kathy, Kathy, you really know my pain 

You sent three hundred bucks in the pourin’ rain 

Can’t fill my tank, can’t buy a week of bread 

But damn, girl, that selfie with the check sure looked good on the news instead 

Three hundred bucks, what a hell of a deal 

That’s one day of the four months I work just for you to feel 

Like a big-shot savior in a pantsuit crown 

Thanks for the crumbs, Queen of Albany town 

[Verse 2] 

January, February, March, and April too 

Every sunrise I punch in, I’m clockin’ in for you 

Ninety three weekdays, sweat and coffee stains 

Before a single dollar carries my last name 

May 8th I walk out, flip the bird to the sky 

Say, “Happy Tax Freedom Day, now the money’s finally mine! 

But you mailed me a postcard like a bad ex’s text 

“Miss you baby, here’s three yards, let’s not fight about the rest” 

[Chorus] 

Oh Kathy, Kathy, you really know my pain 

You sent three hundred bucks in the pourin’ rain 

Can’t pay the rent, can’t fix the truck 

But hey, at least the photo op was worth a couple million bucks 

Three hundred bucks, what a hell of a deal 

That’s one day of the four months I work just for you to feel 

Like Mother Teresa with a pantsuit crown 

Thanks for the crumbs, Queen of Albany town 

[instrumental interlude]

[Bridge – half-time, snarling] 

Talk about the cost of livin’, blame the billionaires 

While your cost of government’s the cross we all bear 

Bigger than my mortgage, bigger than my groceries 

Bigger than the health insurance that’s tryin’ to kill me 

You beat food, you beat shelter, you beat heat and light 

Congratulations, darlin’, you win the parasite fight 

[Final Chorus – full band, gang vocals, stomping] 

Oh Kathy, Kathy, I’m down on my knees 

Got your love note in my hand and a boot print on my spine 

Three hundred bucks won’t buy my vote, my soul, or my truck 

But it’ll buy me one cold beer to toast “Baby, you suck” 

Three hundred bucks, what a hell of a deal 

Four months of my life just to watch you squeal 

“Vote for me, I’m fighting for you!” 

Nah, Kathy, I’m fighting for me, and the fight starts with you! 

[Outro – crowd screaming] 

May 8th! May 8th! That’s my real payday! 

May 8th! May 8th! Till then I’m your slave! 

May 8th! May 8th! Kiss my Upstate ass! 

Three hundred bucks? Shove it, Kathy, this song’s better than my refund! 



This is original work is produced by AK Darvinson with a combination of observation, critical thinking, insight, heart, compassion, passion, creativity, and technology. All rights are reserved. Free sharing is encouraged. Commercial use via license only.